[This time, she doesn't knock on the door. She pushes it open and goes right in, closing it wearily behind her and leaning against it.
The days since the Null first invaded haven't treated her well - she looks exhausted, bruises and scrapes on her face and hands, and blood on her clothes.]
[What is he doing here? How did he get here? She doesn't need to ask to know he's still having difficulty with seeing anything, and her voice sounds harder than she means it to as she asks--]
[She does take his hands, dropping down to her knees in front of him, but she still sounds angry as she squeezes her fingers firmly around his.]
I saw some one die out there three days ago. He-- He was blind, he didn't even see anything coming, and he was all alone. This isn't okay. You shouldn't be left by yourself!
[He closes his fingers around her hands and then pulls them close against his chest, over where his heart is beating. He continues to shake his head softly]
T-that is not Hayden's responsibility. He is only a little boy, J-julie. And he has stayed w-with me almost every moment. He has been so diligent. And awfully brave. And so v-very very good.
[Delmar inhales shakily]
All of you are too young to h-have to go through any of this.
[Delmar's heart stops when she pulls away, throat tightening at her upset with him. Now with nothing to hold, his hands wring unhappily with one another]
.....no.
[He whispers, curling in on himself a little[
I...I didn't....
[He had just wanted to go home. Home has always been his only refuge against the world]
[Julie's life has been a war zone, but never anything like this. They never had hordes of the Dead invading, never had to fight them on their own turf. She never lost sleep in her own bed wondering if she might fall asleep and wake up to her last breaths.]
[He doesn't answer right away, instead gazing red-eyed down in the direction of his feet as one hand rubs uneasily at one of his forearms. A tick of anxiety.
Delmar doesn't know what to say. He doesn't have the mental acuity or emotional intelligence for this, to grapple with the loss of two of the only people who have ever cared about him, to defend the actions of another, and to pay due appreciation to the fears and hurts of yet another. And all he knows is in one fell swoop he's managing to do all of these things horribly wrong.]
I'm sorry
[He whispers it, not moving from where he now rigidly sits on the edge of the couch. Spine stock straight and head dropped forward so his chin almost rests against his chest]
[She doesn't say anything, at first. Julie stares at the wall without seeing it and fights against the hot twist of guilt in her gut that's telling her she shouldn't be shouting at him, that he's doing his best, that this isn't something he needs on top of everything else and isn't she only here because two people he cares about have died?
It wells up in the back of her throat as something unpleasant and almost solid, like a wash of copper on her tongue. She closes her eyes and pulls in a deep breath, letting it out shakily. Then, she looks at him, and she feels the corners of her mouth pull down without her consent. It's not fair. None of this is fair.
Her weight drops abruptly down on the couch beside him and her arms go tight around his shoulders as she presses her forehead into his arm. Her fingers curl into the fabric of his clothes, and she sniffs once.]
[Instinctively he tenses when he hears the approach of her footsteps and when her small form falls in beside his. But when he feels how tightly she holds to him and the way she's attached herself to his side he crumples. His tears spill over and he turns to hide his face against her hair, a hand coming up to grip desperately at her thin forearm]
I'm sorry I shouted. [She mumbles, muffled, into his sleeve. There's a tense feeling in her throat, like she should be crying, but she can't make it happen anymore.]
[There's so much he wants to tell her. That he holds nothing against her being angry with him. That he's frightened too. That he has no idea what to do. But his voice only allows him a weak murmur]
M'sorry, Julie. I'm sorry.
[He is. For so many things. For putting Julie in danger. And Hayden. And Margaery. For not being able to help anybody. Not able to protect Michael or Harlan. Not much help to Seel at the bunker now that his sight is gone. He can only be the bearer of bad news, having had to tell Kyna that her best friend had been killed.
And then selfishly he has put Julie in danger again by asking her to come here out of his own selfishness.
James had been right about him after all. "Delmar you have no idea what you are talking about." "You should know better after everything you've been through in your life" "You are nothing but a lousy queer"]
It's okay. [It's not okay, but she can let it be okay, for now. Her hold on him loosens but doesn't drop, and she turns her head to rest it against his shoulder instead. She moves one arm to take his hand in hers, squeezing his fingers again.
Her next breath leaves her slowly, and she lets her eyes close for a moment.]
I've never been something anybody was afraid of losing before [His breaths are coming a bit more steadily now, though his cheeks are still damp, tears now coming in silent dribbling from the corners of his eyes.] I'm still not very good at it at all.
[He leans his head over to the side where it can rest lightly atop hers]
You're just going to have to get used to it. [Julie retorts with a soft, breathless laugh. She shifts to look at him, then plants a quick kiss against his cheek.]
I've spent my whole life losing people. I'm not going to lose you, too.
[Despite everything, Delmar still flushes a deep pink when she kisses his cheek. These small everyday affections between friends he's been starved of his whole life so each time his hand is taken or someone sits beside him without hesitation it feels like a monumental occurrence. So a hug or a kiss to the cheek seem like small cherished miracles.]
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redwinekindofgirl) wrote2017-10-17 07:58 pm
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[This time, she doesn't knock on the door. She pushes it open and goes right in, closing it wearily behind her and leaning against it.
The days since the Null first invaded haven't treated her well - she looks exhausted, bruises and scrapes on her face and hands, and blood on her clothes.]
... Delmar?
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I'm r-right here, Julie.
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[What is he doing here? How did he get here? She doesn't need to ask to know he's still having difficulty with seeing anything, and her voice sounds harder than she means it to as she asks--]
Did you walk here by yourself?
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No. Hayden helped me get here.
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[She looks around. She'll be having words with this 'Hayden'...]
What the hell?
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P-please don't be angry with Hayden. Harlan and Michael w-were very dear to him too. And to see them that way...i...
[He bites his lower lip as it trembles]
Please don't be upset with him.
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[She does take his hands, dropping down to her knees in front of him, but she still sounds angry as she squeezes her fingers firmly around his.]
I saw some one die out there three days ago. He-- He was blind, he didn't even see anything coming, and he was all alone. This isn't okay. You shouldn't be left by yourself!
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T-that is not Hayden's responsibility. He is only a little boy, J-julie. And he has stayed w-with me almost every moment. He has been so diligent. And awfully brave. And so v-very very good.
[Delmar inhales shakily]
All of you are too young to h-have to go through any of this.
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[She tugs her hands free and gets up, pushing her fingers through her hair to step away and gaze blankly at the painted wall.]
It's irresponsible. You could be killed. He could be killed. Did you even think--?
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.....no.
[He whispers, curling in on himself a little[
I...I didn't....
[He had just wanted to go home. Home has always been his only refuge against the world]
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[Julie's life has been a war zone, but never anything like this. They never had hordes of the Dead invading, never had to fight them on their own turf. She never lost sleep in her own bed wondering if she might fall asleep and wake up to her last breaths.]
... I don't want to lose you to these things.
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Delmar doesn't know what to say. He doesn't have the mental acuity or emotional intelligence for this, to grapple with the loss of two of the only people who have ever cared about him, to defend the actions of another, and to pay due appreciation to the fears and hurts of yet another. And all he knows is in one fell swoop he's managing to do all of these things horribly wrong.]
I'm sorry
[He whispers it, not moving from where he now rigidly sits on the edge of the couch. Spine stock straight and head dropped forward so his chin almost rests against his chest]
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It wells up in the back of her throat as something unpleasant and almost solid, like a wash of copper on her tongue. She closes her eyes and pulls in a deep breath, letting it out shakily. Then, she looks at him, and she feels the corners of her mouth pull down without her consent. It's not fair. None of this is fair.
Her weight drops abruptly down on the couch beside him and her arms go tight around his shoulders as she presses her forehead into his arm. Her fingers curl into the fabric of his clothes, and she sniffs once.]
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You didn't deserve it, I'm just... so scared.
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M'sorry, Julie. I'm sorry.
[He is. For so many things. For putting Julie in danger. And Hayden. And Margaery. For not being able to help anybody. Not able to protect Michael or Harlan. Not much help to Seel at the bunker now that his sight is gone. He can only be the bearer of bad news, having had to tell Kyna that her best friend had been killed.
And then selfishly he has put Julie in danger again by asking her to come here out of his own selfishness.
James had been right about him after all. "Delmar you have no idea what you are talking about." "You should know better after everything you've been through in your life" "You are nothing but a lousy queer"]
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Her next breath leaves her slowly, and she lets her eyes close for a moment.]
It's okay, Delmar. Honestly.
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I've never been something anybody was afraid of losing before [His breaths are coming a bit more steadily now, though his cheeks are still damp, tears now coming in silent dribbling from the corners of his eyes.] I'm still not very good at it at all.
[He leans his head over to the side where it can rest lightly atop hers]
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I've spent my whole life losing people. I'm not going to lose you, too.
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No you are not.
[He gives her hand a squeeze]
And I don't want to ever lose you either.